Of course you're not heartless! I've been in this position, as have millions of women, and it is really tough. ("Unrepentant" made me laugh out loud!) I am glad that your husband is so supportive, and that you will be closer to family and friends this way. We are all under so much pressure these days.
My mom fell a bunch of times in her early 80s, then she got knee replacements and did a lot of p/t and that helped for a while. Then she fell and broke her femur and they had to replace her hip joint replacement and now she walks with a walker (at 94)
I get the parenting your parent thing. I'm sure you will settle in quickly once you head back east. The humidity will be like a hug from your childhood.
I am so sorry. I went through similar with my mom and being far away was awful. But adding the weight of all the insanity and cruelty and stupiidity going on right now - I can’t imsgine. So glad you have a supportive husband and a path forward, even if disruptive. I can only hope for better days ahead for all of us.
I'm sorry. I get it. Together with my husband, we've been managing FIL's lymphoma treatment and recovery (yay) for the last 8 months. It has been BRUTAL. At the same time, my mom fell and broke her hip and 6 months later broke her ankle ON THE SAME LEG. So we've been working through that as well. And I too work for the govt and that has SUCKED. So much suckage all around. I am proud of you for recognizing that a change is needed. I'm just hunkered down and taking ashwaghanda gummies.
I feel this very hard. My FIL (age 90) passed away last month after refusing to be moved from where he had lived for a long time, even though there was no family or friends there to help and he was thousands of miles from anyone else. And he had many chronic health conditions that were from not taking proper care of himself. It was super stressful to look after him from afar and he was a total rascal about insisting that he was still independent and fine, long after he was totally bedridden and needed 24 hour care. He lost his license to drive maybe five years ago but no matter, he just "borrowed" the car of the woman who looked after him and took himself to the casino and then the airport for a "surprise" trip to see us up in the northeast. Like totally normal behavior. (Don't worry, we did have arrangements for his care, but that too was a difficult struggle in the changing landscape of medicare and the nursing shortages). I hope the transition goes smoothly and you are able to look after your mother! It is a hard thing.
Oh no, I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this. There is something uniquely stressful about caretaking for your parents. I had to become my dad's POA/medical POA and it was really rough. Good luck with the move!
Dear Friend: This is hard. I feel you. But you have a wonderful husband + a strong personal support network and you will be closer to those folks as well as your Mom (with Marianne only 4 hours away). It will be challenging at many times. Ask anyone who has managed their way through it. But again, you are not alone. So many of us have gone through similar situations, and are good listeners. As far as work goes, no one is really "safe". The world is on fire. XOXXO
I feel you on the fiercely independent aging parents! I am also dealing with this scenario and it is exhausting and frustrating. At least I live in the area!
I am so sorry to hear about your mom, aging parents is a whole thing nobody prepared us for, I don't think! They want to be independent - and its hard to be the one to tell them they need to QUIT with the shenanigans! I will say I'm excited you're coming to the area! I will say if you're looking to still be in higher ed (maybe/maybe not, because its a hot mess) Raleigh/Durham has about 6 universities in the area where you may have luck. Charlotte is a tad far for commuting, but at least up here, you're very close to the state line w/VA. Also, can't discount the UNC and Duke University hospital network, if your mom ever has to move down here to be with you. Give it a look - I know it's a BIG thing to pick a spot to land, but thought I'd throw that out there. Also - huge cycling community here :).
Ohmygosh - that is a lot. A LOT. Helping aging parents is a lot, doing it from afar is a lot more, and the whole job thing is a LOT all on its own. Hoping things settle into place as quickly and easily as possible.
Ugh, Adrien. I'm so sorry. This is a lot. My mom just turned 85 and sounds a lot like your mom, though she has not had any falls YET. But she did tell me recently she wants to DRIVE to UTAH. BY HERSELF. Mom, no. I know you will find your people in NC but it's stressful, I know.
Oof. This is indeed A LOT. I wish you all the best with your move & the new jobs. I know there are good cycling communities in Charlotte & I am sure you'll find your trails and your people.
Of course you're not heartless! I've been in this position, as have millions of women, and it is really tough. ("Unrepentant" made me laugh out loud!) I am glad that your husband is so supportive, and that you will be closer to family and friends this way. We are all under so much pressure these days.
My mom fell a bunch of times in her early 80s, then she got knee replacements and did a lot of p/t and that helped for a while. Then she fell and broke her femur and they had to replace her hip joint replacement and now she walks with a walker (at 94)
I get the parenting your parent thing. I'm sure you will settle in quickly once you head back east. The humidity will be like a hug from your childhood.
I am so sorry. I went through similar with my mom and being far away was awful. But adding the weight of all the insanity and cruelty and stupiidity going on right now - I can’t imsgine. So glad you have a supportive husband and a path forward, even if disruptive. I can only hope for better days ahead for all of us.
I'm sorry. I get it. Together with my husband, we've been managing FIL's lymphoma treatment and recovery (yay) for the last 8 months. It has been BRUTAL. At the same time, my mom fell and broke her hip and 6 months later broke her ankle ON THE SAME LEG. So we've been working through that as well. And I too work for the govt and that has SUCKED. So much suckage all around. I am proud of you for recognizing that a change is needed. I'm just hunkered down and taking ashwaghanda gummies.
I feel this very hard. My FIL (age 90) passed away last month after refusing to be moved from where he had lived for a long time, even though there was no family or friends there to help and he was thousands of miles from anyone else. And he had many chronic health conditions that were from not taking proper care of himself. It was super stressful to look after him from afar and he was a total rascal about insisting that he was still independent and fine, long after he was totally bedridden and needed 24 hour care. He lost his license to drive maybe five years ago but no matter, he just "borrowed" the car of the woman who looked after him and took himself to the casino and then the airport for a "surprise" trip to see us up in the northeast. Like totally normal behavior. (Don't worry, we did have arrangements for his care, but that too was a difficult struggle in the changing landscape of medicare and the nursing shortages). I hope the transition goes smoothly and you are able to look after your mother! It is a hard thing.
Oh no, I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this. There is something uniquely stressful about caretaking for your parents. I had to become my dad's POA/medical POA and it was really rough. Good luck with the move!
I’m sorry— I know how difficult it is to have a stubborn mom.
Dear Friend: This is hard. I feel you. But you have a wonderful husband + a strong personal support network and you will be closer to those folks as well as your Mom (with Marianne only 4 hours away). It will be challenging at many times. Ask anyone who has managed their way through it. But again, you are not alone. So many of us have gone through similar situations, and are good listeners. As far as work goes, no one is really "safe". The world is on fire. XOXXO
Aging parents are teh worst. On the bright side, you'll be back on the east coast!!
I feel you on the fiercely independent aging parents! I am also dealing with this scenario and it is exhausting and frustrating. At least I live in the area!
I am so sorry to hear about your mom, aging parents is a whole thing nobody prepared us for, I don't think! They want to be independent - and its hard to be the one to tell them they need to QUIT with the shenanigans! I will say I'm excited you're coming to the area! I will say if you're looking to still be in higher ed (maybe/maybe not, because its a hot mess) Raleigh/Durham has about 6 universities in the area where you may have luck. Charlotte is a tad far for commuting, but at least up here, you're very close to the state line w/VA. Also, can't discount the UNC and Duke University hospital network, if your mom ever has to move down here to be with you. Give it a look - I know it's a BIG thing to pick a spot to land, but thought I'd throw that out there. Also - huge cycling community here :).
Holy moly, that really is a LOT. Lots of TLC your way.
Ohmygosh - that is a lot. A LOT. Helping aging parents is a lot, doing it from afar is a lot more, and the whole job thing is a LOT all on its own. Hoping things settle into place as quickly and easily as possible.
Ugh, Adrien. I'm so sorry. This is a lot. My mom just turned 85 and sounds a lot like your mom, though she has not had any falls YET. But she did tell me recently she wants to DRIVE to UTAH. BY HERSELF. Mom, no. I know you will find your people in NC but it's stressful, I know.
Oof. This is indeed A LOT. I wish you all the best with your move & the new jobs. I know there are good cycling communities in Charlotte & I am sure you'll find your trails and your people.