A Long List of Things I Returned.

And two things I kept.

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I live two miles from a really gigantic mall that has all the good stores, including a Nordstrom. Ten years ago this would’ve been a dream but now it’s a place to be avoided unless absolutely necessary. The parking lot is immense and unknowable and you could circle for hours, Thunderdome style, looking for a spot. The mall itself is filled with scary gangs of roving tweens¹ and grumpy families walking four abreast. It’s an echoing hellscape with that weird Aunt Annie’s smell.

So, instead of shopping IRL, I’ve gotten into the obsess-research-order-return cycle that is, in a way, much more annoying than the mall. Here’s a list of things I’ve ordered and returned in the last couple of months:

Madewell Low-Slung Baggy Jeans
Listen, I’ve had this issue lately where every pair of Madewell jeans I own are just a smidge too short on me. I’m only 5’5” but somehow all of the Madewell jeans I have are between a 27”-29” inseam. I just wanted a normal length so I found myself considering the Madewell Low-Slung Baggy Jeans because they have a 31” inseam. I don’t know what I was thinking. These jeans get glowing reviews and are truly cool but it was SO MUCH DENIM on me. Just swathes of denim! (See first photo. Oof.) I even sized down! Anyway they were not for me and I returned them.

Sezane Brut Sexy Jeans
Marianne ordered these Sezane jeans and they were so cute on her! Despite the terrible name! They have no stretch so I ordered them a size up from what I normally wear. This was a mistake but it wouldn’t have mattered. I’ll just say that there is something to be said for Madewell’s magic pockets which these jeans obviously did not have but certainly could use. Yikes on bikes. Returned.

Frye Olivia Harness Tall Boots
This one hurt. These beautiful Frye boots had been haunting me around the Internet for a couple of months, popping up all, “REMEMBER US?” Yes, beautiful Frye boots, I remember you. They went on sale. Then there was an extra 20% off code at Christmas. The next day, my resolve weakened, I tried to order them and discovered the code was gone. Then a few days later it was back! I ordered them and waited impatiently for them to arrive and when they did, they were too narrow in that “my foot bones have rearranged themselves” kind of way. Since the bones in one of my feet have already been through enough rearrangement, I sadly returned them. They were so beautiful, y’all.

NoBull Women's Outwork Shoes
Those who lift weights or do some kind of Crossfit-esque workout probably know about NoBull sneakers. They’re fun! They come in cool colors and have patterned soles and are very flat for weightlifting, all of which is appealing. So, when my current pair of sneakers started to age I took advantage of a Black Friday sale and ordered a pair of NoBull Outwork in my sneaker size (half a size up from my shoe size.) They arrived, very stiff and too short in the toe. I exchanged them for the next half size up and they arrived, very stiff and too long in the toe. Boo. I returned them and just got another pair of my boring favorite gym shoes.

A Swimsuit from Quince
Before our Thanksgiving trip to Mexico I panic-bought a couple of $50 one-piece swimsuits from Quince. One of them had wide straps that crossed over in the back and was apparently meant to fit a very tall person who was not shaped like me. The other one was just a simple tank suit that fit fine. I returned the first one and after wearing the second one, wish I’d returned it too because the lining just shifted all over the place in a way that was deeply annoying. Hmph.

Two Things I Kept:

A Pair of Jeans that are Perfect
I just wanted one pair of straight or slightly wide legged jeans in a classic wash that were long enough and that I can sit in. With the Sezane and Madewell failures returned, I finally caved and tried AYR denim again. I bought a pair of the Secret Sauce jeans in the regular length (Crowd Surf wash) and they are perfect. They are very soft, have a little stretch (but not too much) and they have a moderately high rise that holds you in. I really like them a lot. They aren’t inexpensive but AYR does occasionally have a 15% or 20% code floating around, so wait for that.

This Blazer That’s Soft and Cool as Shit
I love blazers in theory but I don’t always love wearing them. An online friend of mine sung the praises of the Rag & Bone Slade blazer which comes in several fabrics including a very soft (unlined) Japanese wool. She linked one on The RealReal in my size that was marked down and when the price dropped again, I went for it! For a structured shape, it’s surprisingly lightweight and stretchy and looks very minimalist-cool.

Your turn: What have you returned lately? (And what did you keep?)

1. Why are they so scary? It’s probably because they literally don’t see me and walk right into me like I’m an elderly ghost.